Okay. My blog has been as empty as a desert. I am now the oasys of the Sahara Desert begging you to drink from my pond of water (okay, get your mind OUT of the gutter!)
I’ve been busy writing for Shopping Cart Disco. I can’t say that it’s been EASY juggling two blogs. So I abandoned this one until I had something to write about. I’ve been contemplating about internet addiction. I’ve learned alot about my last stint in Second Life. It’s about moderation, control and self-restraint. It’s very hard, Second Life has its share of temptations and one can easily get addicted. How do you prevent yourself from this?
**more after the cut**
Being in Second Life™ can be a shadow of your first. It’s a perpetuation of what you are truly in your first life. It’s the more sociable, more freakier, more personable you. And everything you experience, emotions or love, is amplified because you are talking in a more intimate level. There are no gestures or looks to intimidate you, there are no moles or scars to put you off from a person. One can easily fall in love. Does that make it right when you’re committed to someone in real life?
My boyfriend asked me to explore the movie, Second Skin. It’s a movie documentary on online MMORPG and addictions. You can tell that it’s so easy to get addicted to Second Life™. It’s easy to sit on a computer, pretend to be someone or something that you aren’t like at all.
I’ve done it, I’ve gone through it. It makes you human. But I never said it makes it right. When you’re in Second Life, it seems like you are in your own world. No one contradicts you (since you probably don’t know anyone of your friends in your list in RL), no one knows how shy you are, how many warts you have on your face or how wrinkly the corner your eyes are. Make yourself look like the ageless woman you are on Second Life™.
But that’s not my problem. My problem is the infidelity in Second Life™. The way people sneak about looking for excitement in a harmless flirtation with someone in the game. That harmless flirtation turns into something more and then you are in love — while not realizing you are married or have a very serious relationship with someone else in your real life. Second Life is a great tool to meet new people, but in my opinion, it’s not a great tool for those who are married and seeking pleasure, love and intimacy in someone else’s virtual arms. Not just because it’s wrong, but it can have major impact on your real life relationship and your perspective on what your relationship is based on.
So if you are in too deep in your Second Life™ love, consider this. Would you want to lose your real life to a prim house, prim hair, prim wedding dress and pixel skin with a graphics-made man?
![[Self-Pursuit] Sitting on beauty](http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3018/2836429800_ca18e42417_t.jpg "[Self-Pursuit] Sitting on beauty")
Uggh, I’m just recovering from a nasty addiction to World of Warcraft. Never again.
Aww really? Gosh.. -.- Yeah I still play Second Life but I don’t play it as much or as obsessively as before.
=) Glad you are TRYING to recover.
-Portia <3
Well, while I’d probably rather drink from your pond than the gutter, I’ve got to say I agree with the basics of yout thesis. Creag (the SL me) has chosen to be a celibate avatar, waiting for the day his one true love (my spouse, whom I love rather pathetically) finally joins him in SL. My RL marriage is too important a thing for me to go picking at it by having affairs, RL or SL. Meantime, I’ll just hang out and have a good time, and pass on the stip clubs, orgy rooms, and other such delights.
Yay! Good job. I really really commend you for your great self control on resisting the temptation.
There are some really good videos on Cyberspace love on Youtube! I’ll post links later on!
-Portia <3
I saw a true thing on a friend’s sl profile.’what you’re looking for in sl is what you’re missing irl’. It rang very true for me, but what I’m looking for is not sex, or even another partner. But I’ve seen it happen, to this friend in fact, more than once, and I worry about her rl relationship. And what am I looking for? Well, seeing as I spend most of my time, playing a fantasy male who couldn’t possible exist irl, I suppose I must be looking for magic, or adventure. And even though its harder to make friends there than some people seem to make out, I still keep trying. So I guess I am addicted, in some way, to something. The searching, I suppose.
Aww yeah when I first went to SL, I really didn’t know what I wanted. I guess what I did want was a bit of romance. I got that in truckloads but my RL relationship suffered greatly. I’ve got rid of the SL love, and focused on my RL one. I can’t say I ever regret it. I am glad I worked things out with my rl bf.
So if you’re searching for something, don’t search too hard. It will just show up. =)
-Portia <3
What a brave blog post. This is definitely a prominent, yet seemingly taboo subject in the world of MMORPGs, and it’s nice to have it brought to light. Anyone on my friend’s list can see that my name is lit up more often than not, mainly due to circumstances of distance between Nic and myself. SL is our preferred vehicle of communication because a) it’s a lot cheaper than phone bills ♥ SL Voice and b) It adds an extra dimension of interaction and creative expression that a telephone or e-mail lacks, but certainly isn’t a subsitute for real world interaction.
If it weren’t for Nic would I continue to log the number of hours that I currently do? I doubt it, but I suppose I don’t really know for sure. I guess I haven’t decided if I’m addicted to SL or simply addicted to Nic. lol
Thankfully, we are each others only romantic commitment SL and IRL and in that regard the line between the two is a lot finer than many people advocate. The test will be in November when the gap of distance closes between Nic and myself and SL becomes simply a game once more.
Hey Dahlia! I actually speak from experience. It’s hard to have an online relationship at first. I know my rl bf and I started in the corners of chatrooms in Microsoft Zone (it’s for board games such as checkers and chess).
The distance is tough, the phone bills are high and there is sometimes no sure fire way of communicating. I don’t have a problem at all with online relationships. I’ve done it.
And I really commend you for having an SL relationship and bringing it to real life. It’s so much easier to commit to someone in SL when there’s absolutely no one in your RL to tie you down. And it is true, SL is a cheap way of communicating and keeping in touch.
I’ve used MSN for years to chat with my boyfriend. Just think of SL as the interactive MSN. And although your SL relationship is fruitful, when the time comes to make it a real life relationship, it’ll be as satisfying as your second life.
You’ll fight, argue, maybe see each others true emotions more, however if you are both strong and determined people, a relationship should last through all of the things that RL entails. =)
And I agree. Cheating and infidelity seems like such a taboo subject in Second Life blogs. No one talks about it and when they know someone who’s married in RL having a relationship in SL, everyone turns a blind eye. I guess sometimes SL imitates reality. No one wants a rat.
-Portia <3
My fiance doesn’t play SL, and after years of gaming with him I cannot say I don’t miss him while in-world, even though he’s sitting next to me.
We’re pretty close. SL “love” never held any interest for me, because it’s all fake. Like filling up a cup that lacks a bottom with water… it just keeps flowing out. I’ve seen many people’s relationships fail because of what’s going on in Second Life.
That being said, a lot of great RL relationships have come about because of Second Life, and that’s a great thing.
As for Second Life in terms of looking for things you’re missing… I don’t think that’s it. I think it’s more of filling in the blanks.
PS – My fiance and I still talk over MSN although we’re next to each other
We use it mostly to fight, it’s easier than yelling and we can actually think.
Hehe! So cute.
I don’t like to argue; but when I get mad, I tend to get mad for a few minutes then feel really bad I got so mad and then I want to “talk things out”. I am a walking cliche.
That being said, relationships are great whether or not it started in SL or RL. But when a relationship starts online, you’ve got to think realistically that sometimes you won’t get over the hump of making it an offline/RL relationship. It takes more than a “visit” or a “phone call”. You need a real commitment to stay true to each other.
I think real relationships (rl or sl) are hard to maintain now. The rates of divorce are going up and because of our fast paced life, we tend to (unconsciously) adopt a fast pace way of relationships.
That’s why infidelity is so easy to do it in Second Life. It’s easy to have that quickie or secretive relationship and turn it all off with a touch of a button on your CPU. It’s easy to dismiss it as “just a game” when you look away from your monitor.
And it’s just as easy to turn yourself off your spouse or long term boyfriend by turning to someone who represents an ideal partner. In Second Life, it’s easy to fake yourself. It’s easy for someone to fake themselves to make you like them. It happens in RL too, but the difference is, you can tell sooner or later that the person you were with isn’t the person you’ve met.
It’s definitely harder to tell in SL.
I just hope that those who are in a Second Life relationship realize that if they are doing it for gratification, that it won’t give them happiness in the long run. And for those who are doing it for love, be sure to know every single facet of your partner. Get to know them.
Try to know what type of toothpaste they use, how they like to shave, do they use mousse or gel? Yes these are all so trivial but sometimes trivial things really do help you determine whether or not you WANT something out of your SL relationship than just the fling or sexual gratification.
-Portia <3
This was a very brave thing for you to write…I really applaud you for this Portia, well done
I have seen a lot of this in SL, the attached and married people falling for someone in world.
You are so right to say “And for those who are doing it for love, be sure to know every single facet of your partner. Get to know them”
How did you get so wise for one so young!?
Aww Thanks Jyla.
I just write from experience. And I just want people to be aware that no one is completely immune to having feelings for someone and being completely unfaithful.
And I am not exactly wise! I just learnt to look back, swallow my pride and make something of what I did and turn it into something positive. ^^
-Portia <3